PROBLEM

# 2

After discussing various wedding ideas amongst ourselves and with some friends, we decided to have a small, intimate wedding of approximately 50 guests.  This would include family and a few close friends.  I REPEAT – SMALL, INTIMATE wedding, including FAMILY and a FEW close friends.  Should be self-explanatory.

A couple, who were close friends of ours, AND whose wedding we’d participated in recently, began questioning our guest list.  BEFORE THE INVITATIONS HAD ALL BEEN MAILED - That’s right. Some friends who were NOT PAYING FOR THE WEDDING in any way, began questioning the guest list.  Oh sure, it started out innocently enough.  “Is my aunt so and so invited?” which we thought was odd to ask, but since they were our friends, we answered truthfully.  This unwittingly opened the door for more questions of this nature.  After the 4^th inquiry about “is my friend so-and-so invited?  Can they bring a guest?” and so-on-and-so-forth – I blew my top. 

I tried to be polite about it, so I called them up on the phone to ask why they kept asking these types of questions.  They said that people in their social circle hadn’t received an invitation in the mail yet.  Also, since it was uncomfortable for these people to directly ask me or my fiancé if they were on our guest list, they asked this couple (since they were definitely invited) to please ask for them. 

Ok, first of all – this couple had just gotten married.  In fact, they had gotten married TWICE because they had family in 2 different countries.  I would THINK, that they understand about guest lists restrictions, and how hard it is to decide who makes the cut.  I would THINK they would know better than to bother us with these questions. I would also THINK they would have the courtesy to tell these people “If you are invited to the wedding, you will receive an invitation in the mail.  If you do not receive an invitation, then you are not invited to the wedding.  Please understand that they are having a small, intimate wedding including family and a few close friends.”  Not “family, close friends and all of their family and guests.” But no, they chose to just skip that part and ask us directly - which made us very uncomfortable.  Firstly, because we had to answer the questions, and I feel they shouldn't have been asked.  Secondly, because we had to involve a “middle-man” and word the message kindly so it was relayed politely to the questioner.  Thirdly, because we shouldn’t have to deal with this at all.  Fourthly, because it was a repeated offense, and it was getting out of hand. 

I explained again about our wedding being SMALL and INTIMATE, including FAMILY and a FEW close friends, and that these sorts of questions were starting to be frustrating.  They did not get the hint, because I received another question in the email the following day.

I wrote an email to them, explaining about invitation wording and that we had a tight guest list.  I also gently hinted that they shouldn’t need to worry about the guest list, only that they were definitely invited to the wedding, and to direct any further “questions” to myself (I figured the people would stop asking at that point).  Oh no, that was taken quite rudely by this couple.  They sent us a very irate email stating that since THEY were such close friends of ours, and were helping us with the parties and things, the wedding guest list (mind you this is different than any PARTY guest list) was definitely their business. 

I wrote another email, apologizing if I hurt their feelings, but if any further folks approached them with questions of that nature, they were to state the following:

“If you are invited to the wedding, you will receive an invitation in the mail.  Please understand that they are having a small, intimate wedding including family and a few close friends.”

That was the end of it, and it took several weeks for our couple to get over this little bump in the road. 

I was angry, because I felt they should have known better than to ask.  Secondly, they should have taken the hint once we explained that the questions bothered us – rather than sending us an irate email.  The irate email directly breaks rule #1 by the way! Thirdly, they were only asking these questions about THEIR friends and family members – which leads me to believe they weren’t “just asking to help out” – they were trying to ensure their “people” were included.  Fourthly, as much as they claimed they were helping out with our wedding, they really haven’t done much.  Especially, since my fiancé and I spent a GREAT DEAL of time and money on their wedding(s), including traveling to another country for 2 weeks.  Talk about dedication and then getting slapped in the face!  Okay-okay I’m breathing, I’m stopping to breathe.  Ok I’m better now.