I laughed again because I knew exactly what he meant.  One evening not long ago, I was at the grocery store looking for the perfect green pepper and this guy walked up to me. 

“I think you are just breathtaking,” he said. “I’m Jared.”

“Thank you,” I said, attempting to continue my search.

“Look, I don’t have a lot of time,” he said, looking at his watch.  “Do you have a boyfriend?”

I don’t have a lot of time?  Where did this guy learn his pick up lines?  I mean having a follow up like that one pretty much invalidated his opening compliment.  I could just imagine the kind of lines David must be forced to listen to while he’s sitting there, trapped before a wall of people, vulnerable, with nothing to shield him but a three-foot wide Formica table. 

Jim joked back with David and said, “That’s okay, straight guys say it too.” 

“It’s true,” he said with determination in his voice.  “And I know you are embarrassed, but you are striking.” 

I wanted say, I bet you say that to all the boys, it would have been funny, but I didn’t.  I think he was starting to worry that because he actually is homosexual he didn’t know what the Hell he was talking about. 

I thanked him again as he silently slid the autographed cover in our direction.

“Thanks David,” Jim said.  We’re on a first name basis now.

As I walked away I heard him begging to the people behind us, “No, she is striking…isn’t she?”

I hate my body, I hate my face, and most of all I hate my big nose.  I’m the type of person who needs to be told every day that I look pretty and thin or else I’m starving myself and searching the Internet for the price of plastic surgery.  My favorite show is Nip/Tuck. 

If I paint a good picture, or write a good piece, that’s good and I can accept that.  Appearance compliments only hold true for about 5 minutes, and then I’m back on the wagon, looking for a fix.  I make the people I care about crazy because it doesn’t matter who you are, it just won’t stick.   And I guess, in the scheme of things, we all have our insecurities, I and my looks, Sedaris and his voice.  When you have insecurities like that all you can do is lie to yourself, forcing yourself to suck it up and look in the mirror, or talk. 

I’m sure I wasn’t the only one out of 200 people David Sedaris complimented that day but he took the time to speak to me and for a few seconds I ignored the unsightly curves of my face and smiled.  “Thank you,” I said. “Thank you.”
He probably didn’t know what the Hell I was talking about.