THE

SHOWER:

Having thrown several showers for bride-friends in the past, and having attended several showers, I assumed my girlfriends (some of whom I’d done showers for) would be totally able to handle the shower on their own without much input from me – other than the date and where to have it.  The whole point of the shower is to celebrate with the bride, and “shower” her with gifts or things she may need for her house or wedding day/night.  It is an opportunity to share marital anecdotes, advice, and giggle with your girlfriends.   Often, there is cake and punch and party games with prizes.  Usually, the maid-of-honor or group of bridesmaids helps to plan and host the shower.

            Well, since VSGAL didn’t have any bridesmaids, but I had 4 ladies offering to throw parties for me.  I figured that I could pair some together, and perhaps have multiple parties, so as to accommodate all the friends we couldn’t invite to the wedding.  We still wanted to celebrate with all of our friends, didn’t we?  It isn’t about the gifts we might receive, it’s about the CELEBRATION! 

            I paired up two of my best gals, for my shower.  Both were party planners, one was wonderful cook and hostess, the other was a party lovin’ gal who helped host our annual Mardi Gras ball each year, and I knew that paired up, they would be AMAZING!  I love them both, even today after all that we’ve been through.  However, there were definitely complications.  As for the other 2 ladies (of the total 4), I asked one to do the Bachelorette party, and the other to do an Engagement Party.  I mean I didn’t call them up and say “HERE’s what you’re doing” but since they offered, I tried to split everything evenly, so we didn’t have overload on one person. 

The Bachelorette Party –

Usually following the shower, or is hosted on a night a few days or weeks prior to the wedding.  Naughtiness ensues, as the bride celebrates her last times of FREEDOM before the ball & chain of marriage.  Whatever, it’s just a fun party.  Some people invite strippers, some people go dancing, some people have a sex-toy party, whatever.  It’s supposed to be fun.

The Engagement Party –

In modern times, this is usually a party thrown for the Bride & Groom by a friend or couple, to celebrate their engagement.  Some people call it a “Stock the Bar” or “Stock the kitchen” party – to give it a theme.  However, it’s an opportunity for the Guys, not just Gals to all attend a party, have a drink or two, and celebrate. 

PROBLEMs #4-8 –

Where to have the shower?  We settled on a date for the shower easily enough, but the girls seemed to be in a weird sort of competition as to whose house should host this blessed event.  After much discussion, several phone calls, and weighing the pros and cons, I decided where it should be held, and we all agreed. 

            Who should be invited? I sent my shower guest list to the ladies.  Of course, being that one of them was a part of the “couple” mentioned in problem #1 – the guest list was questioned, when 2 of “her friends” were missing from the invitation.  She was gracious enough to say “of course you are the bride, so it is up to you, but I noticed . . . “  I decided, what the heck, to keep the peace, sure go ahead and invite your 2 friends.  Oh but then came the next discussion.  She discovered these 2 friends were NOT invited to my wedding, so she felt it would be bad etiquette to invite them to the shower.  I explained that she shouldn’t invite them then, because I could not afford to add anymore people to my wedding guest list.   She decided to invite them anyway.  Whatever,  I didn’t care at this point.  Nevermind the fact that I didn’t particularly care for these friends of hers.  I just wanted my shower to be planned out, and to enjoy myself.  Geez!

            The invitation for the shower – the other lady called me up to verify who on my guest list was married, divorced, or single, as she wanted to address the invitations with the proper “Ms or Mrs” prefix.  I didn’t think it should be quite so formal, it’s a girly party for God’s sake, but whatever.  I gave her the information.  The invitation arrived, but my name (the BRIDE’s name) was mis-spelled.    Well, we got the invitations addressed appropriately, but we muddled the bride’s name.  I didn’t even have the heart to get mad at this point.  I just let it go.  I didn’t want to tell her and hurt her feelings.  I also, knew it was too late to reprint and re-mail them.  Screw it, I’m still having a shower.

            One month before the shower, I got a phone call from lady #1.  She had some opportunity to fly to Europe for a temporary work-related trip.  Of course, the trip was right during the weekend of my shower.   Oh sure, I am going to attend a shower that you planned, with your friends, but you won’t be there.   I totally understand that the opportunity to go to Europe was pretty amazing, but the timing SUCKED.  What’s a girl to do?  Get mad and say “no you can’t go?” – of course not.  I did the lady-like thing and congratulated her and let it go.

            I had lunch with another girlfriend who was planning the Bachelorette Party.  We were going to have the party right after the Shower.  Unfortunately, she also had a trip to Europe – but for more personal reasons, during the weekend of my Shower/Bachelorette Party.  So, unless I found someone else to host the party, it wasn’t going to happen.  This was a real pickle indeed, because I had 3 out-of-town guests flying in for that weekend, and we couldn’t change the date of the parties.  Does fate HATE me?????  Bless her heart she offered to throw me a smaller party another weekend, but my out-of-town guests wouldn’t be able to attend.

            So, I called lady #2, and asked if she was interested in perhaps hosting the Bachelorette Party.  I explained that since I just wanted to go dancing at the clubs anyway, there wasn’t much to plan, except to prepare an Evite for that party.  She declined. 

            I called lady #1 and asked her (I was desperate), she offered to do the Evite, even though she was sorry she would be out of town that weekend.  Okay, at least we were covered.

            Lady #4, who was planning the Engagement Party, never called me to setup a date.  I called her three times to try to help, since we were running out of time for planning anything else.  She finally called back and said she wasn’t going to be able to do it.  I understand and appreciate that people are busy and have lives of their own.  But if you OFFER to do something for someone, agree on what it is, and then say you are doing it, and then NOT DO IT, and don’t say anything until they TRACK YOU DOWN, that’s rather rude in my book.  Thankfully, she did decide to host a “shower” of sorts for my co-workers in the office place.  It would be a meeting/shower during the workday.  I was satisfied with this compromise, but very disappointed at the same time.  My fiancé and I had been hoping she would plan one of her famous evening parties and invite several friends (male and female) to come.  With a work-shower, men never show up, and of course you can’t have any beer or wine at work.  This means some of our friends whom we had wanted to celebrate with (who couldn’t attend the wedding), wouldn’t get to celebrate with us.  Well, I can’t have it all I guess.