WEDDING GIFTS

VS

SHOWER GIFTS

Of course a bride or groom should never EXPECT to receive any gifts, as gifts are given voluntarily, not mandatorily! 

          In my experience, the rule of thumb seems to be that all wedding guests, are encouraged to bring one gift to the wedding, or mail a gift to the bride and groom within a year of the wedding date, to celebrate their nuptials.  Shower gifts, or Engagement party gifts are separate from the wedding gift.  Some people are gift giving lovers, and they will bring a gift to every single party they attend.  However, that can get expensive, so it is increasingly more accepted, to only give one gift to the bride & groom either for the shower or the engagement party, rather than one for each party.  Some brides try to even this out, by trying not to invite the same people over and over to each party.  Some brides just invite everyone to every party; it’s really all up to the bride.  Of course, this is one of those etiquette topics that people rarely discuss, as it is a sensitive topic.  Nobody should ask the bride “do I HAVE to bring a present to your party?” and nobody would tell a guest “Hey George, you forgot to bring a gift to my party, what’s wrong with you?”  - Because that would be totally rude on both accounts.  The general rule of thumb is one gift for the wedding, and one gift for one of the parties.  If you are invited to more parties than you can afford to bring gifts, then settle for just a nice card.  This way you do not look empty-handed when you arrive, and it still shows your thoughtfulness.

          The other rule of thumb, in my book, is to give according to what you can afford – don’t break your bank to give a gift to the bride or groom, that’s silly.   I also, think you should be considerate of what that person has given to you at your wedding.  For example, if your friend attended your wedding and bought all of the placemats or dishes you registered for (knowing you really really needed them), you might want to at least TRY to give her a very tasteful and nice gift.  I’m not saying match it dollar for dollar, that’s absurd, especially if you cannot afford to do so.  However, since she obviously put so much thought into your wedding gift, you might try to return the favor. 

My secret is that I try to give my friends one item off of their registry, and then a unique or rare wedding present that means something special.  One friend of mine had these beautiful rare wine glasses in her home.  While I was out shopping one day, I ran across the same set of glasses in Martini or Margarita style (I can’t recall which at the moment), so I bought her that rare set to match her wine glasses.  It wasn’t something she registered for, but it would still bring her joy, and it was something she would always remember me by. Of course I still bought her something off her registry for her shower.

Another friend of mine had just inherited a dining room set from her family, but had not registered for anything other than the standard dishes and silverware.  I bought her a unique table centerpiece that not only matched her existing china, but also matched the curtains she had in her dining room.  This gift was thoughtful and she will always remember me for it.  I did not have to spend a fortune, but I did put a lot of thought into these gifts.  Weddings are a very good time for gifts of this nature.

If you have very little money, and are on a tight budget when the wedding comes around, there is a perfect gift: A bottle of wine or liquor (assuming the Bride or Groom is not a recovering alcoholic of course, but I digress).  There are some very delicious wines you can find for under $15 a bottle.  Some wines in this price range have won awards, and may be rare wine that your bride & groom friends are not able to find in their town.  It’s a perfect gift when in doubt for any party, not just weddings.  For help, visit your local liquor store.