THE INTELLECTUAL VOID/OCTOBER                                                                                                                                                       2000


                darkness enters my soul 
             not softly with a numbing relief 
             no never softly,  pain, wrenching pain 
             that is how my darkness enters 
             i dream and dream for surcease 
             but does it come? no never 
             my darkness is a friend 
             i love him 
             i hate him 
             my darkness is a friend 
             he comforts me 
             then he breaks me 
             an endless cycle, a permanent cycle? 
             the wounds inflicted are not visible 
             not much anyhow 
             they are gaping sores on my soul, 
             my spirit, my heart 
             especially my heart 
             yes the darkness comes 
             he confronts me, he attacks ruthlessly 
             scarring me with his intensity 
             scaring me with his intensity 
             and then he recedes 
             he waits leaving me alone and abandoned 
             hurting me even more? 
             my darkness causes my pain 
             but so do I, 
             for I let him inflict it. 


            "silently smothered" 

             And when I call you 
             will you answer? 
             If I should need you 
             will you be there? 

             Sometimes I feel surrounded 
             By nothing at all 
             Smothered by its emptiness 
             Slave to its embrace. 

             And when I call you 
             will you be there? 
             And when I need you 
             will you answer?
             What will that answer be? 
             Will I want to hear it, 
             Will I want to know? 

             Sometimes I feel surrounded 
             Sometimes I feel lost 
             And when I call you 
             There is no answer.