The Voyeur: Are you a sex addict? 

Mister: I think that with the term it is always tough to figure out where that line is, I mean like, do you drink or are you an alcoholic?  Obviously sometimes it’s easier to figure out if you’re a fall down drunk.  You quit your job and you’re living in the gutter, homeless, and your entire family has abandoned you and you haven’t had a clear thought in weeks then, yeah, you’re probably an alcoholic.  But then what about the guy who goes to work takes care of all he wants but drinks a six pack every night, is he an alcoholic?  So, you know, sex addict is kind of funny because there are not necessarily negative consequences to having sex.  I didn’t lose my job because I was having sex.  There’s social stigma surrounding sex but that social stigma exists period.  You know that’s going to happen even if you’re suspected of having sex so you can’t escape that.  So I have no idea if I qualify as a sex addict, I probably qualify as somebody who has a lot of sex but I don’t know if that should fall on the disorder spectrum. 

That kind of goes along with my next few questions…Why do you define yourself as a sex addict?  Why is this a problem?  How do you know this is more than what’s ‘normal?’  What makes it ‘abnormal?’  Why, then, did you opt for this interview? You obviously must think that you’re at a higher level than others. 

I think that…to put on a little bit of a different hat for a moment, it’s really curious that we define somebody that has a lot of sex as disordered.  On one hand, I’m not repentant about it; I don’t feel that I’ve done anything wrong.  I don’t think, ‘Oh, I better get my life back together and stop fucking things.’  I don’t necessarily think that, but, it does reach a point where it’s all consuming.  At some point you realize that you’re having sex for reasons that aren’t the best.  I mean, it does prevent things.  I’m not a cheater, so in order to have a lot of sex it prevented me from being in a monogamous relationship, or I had to be in a relationship with somebody who was okay with me having sex with other people.  And, you know, the older you get that’s harder to maneuver.  But assuming that the data is correct, having had sex with hundreds of people is abnormal.  Meeting people for the sole purpose of having sex is probably more normal and more socially acceptable.

Everybody is familiar with the concept of one night stands but at what point is your entire life about getting laid? And at some point that means that your life isn’t about other things…and it sort of becomes diminishing returns.  I found out after a while I was having sex just because I was lonely and where I certainly don’t apologize for having sex for being lonely I think that after a while I started to pay more attention to the root cause.  Why am I fucking everything that moves?  And it’s because I was lonely.  I didn’t have a lot of other things in place that maybe other people have, whether there be a strong romantic relationship, whether it be a good friendship, whether it be any of these things; all I had was the ability to get laid and it made me feel good and I think that’s where it does cross the line to disorder, you know, once again, you just hate to say it.  You hate to say it.  What did he do?  Well, he got laid a lot.  Did he lie to anybody?  No.  Did he hurt anybody?  No.  Does he have a bunch of kids that he’s not taking care of?  No.  Does he have any venereal diseases?  No. Did he do anything other than have sex with a lot of people?  No.  Oh, well he’s an asshole.  It’s such a jump.  I mean it really is. We really look down on people who have a lot of sex. 

Especially with multiple partners. 

Absolutely. 

Even if it’s all consensual. 

Right. Oh, yeah.  I don’t have the exact study in front of me, and I don’t remember where I read it, but somebody said the average woman claims to have had sex with four people and then they did an anonymous study and they found out that the average woman claims to have sex with fifteen people.  Well that’s a hell of a jump.  You have to wonder, why did she lie?  And it’s because instinctively women believe that having sex with multiple partners makes them bad.  Alright, well that’s ridiculous.  You know what I mean, why?  It’s not wrong.  It’s like teenagers who are ashamed that they masturbate.  Why?  It’s not wrong.  Society has all of these things that try to get people to conform to these ridiculous ideas of sexuality and there’s hundreds examples of this.  Look at the homosexual movement, where everybody was like ‘No, no, no, you can’t stick that in there.  It doesn’t go there.’ Well, says who?  It’s mine.  It’s his. We agreed.  But people are just heavily invested in what other people are doing with other people.  And it’s reached critical mass.  It really is.

We have whole institutions; we have multi-million dollar institutions that exist for no other purpose but to prevent people from fucking.  This doesn’t make any sense.  There’s no down here.  Whether I have sex ten times a day with ten different people or I never have sex it’s irrelevant to society but society is heavily invested in what I’m doing.  Well, this is just absurd.  Could you imagine what we could do with that money elsewhere?  What if all the churches, instead of spending literally billions of dollars a year preventing people from fucking decided to cure a disease?  Or prevent homelessness? Or feed the hungry?  Or invest in education?  We are literally letting people die so that we can stop people from having sex.  I say let people fuck and stop people from dying.  But that’s just a personal opinion and doesn’t necessarily answer the question as to why I’m a sex addict.  But it’s curious that this concept exists.  I guess that’s what I’m saying.  It’s curious that it exists.  And I think that it exists because people want to make having a lot of sex bad. 

Well the term addict; as you earlier referred to things like drugs and alcohol, when those things start to take over functioning parts of your life you would think that would be when it’s an addiction.  But if you don’t have that problem, if it doesn’t interfere with your friendships, or your job, or how you take care of yourself, or if you’re doing risky things just to get laid, you know, then that might be an issue.  I don’t know a lot of sex addicts; I know one or two… 

I hear that Joel guy… 

Yeah… 

Is pretty high on the list…

Yeah…